EMPATHY
When the master of ceremonies announced the news of the tragic accident, all the guests were visibly shocked. Within hours of the wedding the bride was in hospital fighting for her life. There was nothing the doctors could have done to save the groom. The lavish banquet had now turned into scenes of lament and sorrow. The bright festive colours of the decorated banquet hall, the buffet table mounted with the choicest foods, even the very apparel of the guests seemed misplaced in the midst of such deep sadness. This was not a time for celebration. Instead of the usual congratulations each guest could only offer condolences to the families of both bride and groom. The caterers had the food put out in boxes and distributed to the guests. After a while the guests slowly began to leave. There was one guest named Thomas, however, who decided to have his meal right there and then. In view of everyone, while others stood in solidarity with the grieving parents and distraught family, he sat and thoroughly enjoyed his feast.
Did Thomas show sensitivity to those who were grieving?
Were Thomas' actions wrong?
Is there a link between morality and sensitivity to others?
Is there a link between caring for someone and sensitivity to that person's feelings?
Does insensitivity come from selfishness? Does it come from apathy?
Should we care about the feelings of others?
Should we in any way share the sufferings of others in their grief?
Do you think there is anything wrong with a man living luxuriously, overindulging in food and pleasures, in a society where there is a great deal of desperately poor, starving people?
Are we connected socially, emotionally, spiritually, or otherwise to others?
"Do you ever stop smiling?" Trudy asked the old man as they sat around the table in his modest home. "You make me smile," he replied as he looked with kind, wise eyes straight at her. She always felt comfortable with him. His manner was simple, gentle, kind. "How?" she asked again, "how do I make you smile?" He replied "I feed off of your happiness. I enjoy the fact that you are happy and so I am happy. I am always happy with you because you always seem to be happy when you are here with me." Trudy reached out across the table and touched his hand in acceptance of his kind words. She reached out again with the other hand and picked up his empty cup. "Do you want another cup of tea?" she asked as she turned toward the kitchen. "Thank you," was the reply.
From the kitchen Trudy enquired, "How is your son Samuel. I saw Camille last week and she told me that he is back from The United States. It must be good to have both of your children back in Trinidad." With a hint of pride, the man answered, "Both Camille and Samuel are fine. They call from time to time to check up on their dad. I wonder how Camille's boss is doing though." Trudy interjected, “I heard that the police have not found his daughter as yet. The poor little girl! She is only eight." The old man then revealed a troubling report, “Camille said that the police have little hope that she is still alive.” Trudy then speculated, “It's funny how things happen. He cheated Camille out of her position in the company. Perhaps if he did not the kidnappers might have targeted your grandson instead." The old man objected, 'you sound as if a part of you gets satisfaction in his misfortune. Do not be jealous on Camille's account. Anyway, her boss probably needed position more than she did. But I am so sorry for the poor man."
Trudy brought another cup of tea for her friend and sat next to him. He looked at her and smiled his usual smile again. "There is just too much jealousy going around. Camille's boss lied and cheated on her because of jealousy. The kidnappers thought that he had what they wanted, which was money, so they took his little girl." Handing him the cup of tea Trudy asked the man, "Do you not get jealous sometimes?" "Well, let me ask you a question," he countered, "if Camille's boss was your brother would you be jealous of him or happy for him?" She smiled embarrassingly. The man continued, "the way I see it, if someone had something that I would like to have, there are two things I could do. I could get jealous of the person, or I could be happy for the person. I think that jealousy is simply the negative of empathy. All it does is cause pain and anger. No, you can keep the jealousy, leave me in my happiness."
Trudy did not agree totally, "It seems to me that if you carry empathy too far you might be a very unhappy man. If you see yourself related in some way to everybody, life would be much too intense. I understand what you mean about sharing other people's happiness, but I think a man can lose himself if he takes on too much from other people." "If you love someone it is simply impossible to be jealous of that person", the man explained. "There are people whose only concern is for their own selves. Their world is divided in two, ─themselves, and everyone else. They are the most unfortunate. Then there are those who have a small circle of friends and family who they care about. Again, their world is divided, only this time it is between their circle and everyone else. Then there are those who simply refuse to divide the world and I think that they are the happiest. They may be black or white or of some other ethnicity; they may belong to this family or that or some nationality, but they see their unity to all mankind before they see their differences. It's as simple as that. To me there are no strangers, only friends I am yet to make. Yes, I share the happiness of all those around me and I also feel for them in sadness, but that is the beauty of it. I will curse the day that I cannot."
Do you see yourself in competition with others in life generally?
What is the root cause of jealousy?
Do you see yourself as part of a wider brotherhood of mankind or apart from the rest of mankind?
Are you happy when others succeed at a noble endeavour, or do you feel annoyed and jealous?
How easily can you connect emotionally with others?
Is it a good thing to be able to connect emotionally with another person?
Is it essential in relationships, for example, that of husband and wife, father or mother, and child?
What do you think is the most important thing for lasting happiness: money, fame, health, or having good relationships with other people?
Does it bother you in any way to read in the newspapers about violent crimes or cruelty committed to other people? Do you think it should bother you?
What does your reaction to the sufferings of others say about you?
Is a broken heart a sign of a healthy, loving heart?
What part do you think apathy plays in the troubles around the world?
Even if apathy reduces pain, can it ever increase joy?
Activity: In the centre of a page in your journal, draw or cut and paste pictures of yourself and those you care for the most. Draw a circle around this group. Next paste images of other people who you care for to a lesser extent around your circle. Draw another bigger circle around these. Do the same for others you do not care for, and then add images of people you dislike. Ask yourself if you would like to draw one last big circle to encompass everyone or rather leave the last set of people outside any circle. If each of those represented on your page did this exercise, how would their pages look? Would life be better if more people were in the inner circle and less outside the last?