Glad to have met the real you

7-year-old Jane always felt that her teacher, Miss. Harper did not like her. The teacher seemed to be annoyed with her for reasons she could not understand. Her mother mentioned something about ethnicity and prejudice in trying to explain a possible motive for the anger, but only years after did Jane begin to appreciate that she had been a victim of racial discrimination. Decades later when Jane had became quite accomplished in a career in a certain government ministry, Miss Harper was in need of her assistance. Jane attended to her with particular kindness. After the official transactions Miss Harper looked at her with much appreciation in her eyes and asked, "do you remember me?" Jane smiled as she politely replied, "no, I think this is the first time we are seeing each other." Although Jane was technically lying, in another sense it was the first time they actually appreciated each other without preconceptions.

Life-changing decision

A short time before our fourth child was conceived, my wife who worked at a different branch of the company I worked presented what seemed an impractical suggestion. She felt that God was calling her to resign her job and be a stay-at-home mom. However, our financial commitments clearly required income from both of us, and I emphasized this fact in opposing her suggestion. Yet, for the following 3 weeks, she who was always more practical in her thinking than I was, kept reminding me that this internal call was not relenting. Eventually I acceded to her request but made it clear that my decision was on account of my faith in her as I had not received any personal directions from God. That night she wrote her letter of resignation and was the happiest girl on the planet. Three weeks later she was home.

I have no idea how, but there was no discernable decrease in our standard of living. On the other hand there was a remarkable improvement in our quality of life. I could see it in the children, I could see it in myself —a freedom and joy of life. It seemed as if I had finally settled down in a full marriage relationship with my wife. I thought to myself, how tragic it would have been going through life, believing that I know what marriage and family life is, not knowing that I did not know.

A child is Always a blessing

In the early twentieth century a young husband was sent by his employer to Europe on a banana boat. He would spend 4 months abroad for the boss’ plantation business before returning to Trinidad, a small island in the Caribbean. On his return his wife seemed somewhat emotionally disturbed. However, he was surprised and saddened when he inevitably realized that she conceived while he was away.

He knew her too well; she was not the cheating type. Yet, she was reluctant to answer any of his questions on the matter, and seemed more hurt than he was. Was she raped, he wondered, if so, by who? He hugged her tightly as she began to cry profusely. Then, looking at her with pity and love he whispered reassuringly, “you are my wife, and you are pregnant. The child is ours.” They never discussed the matter thereafter, and he treated their daughter with all the love he possesses in his heart. They had other children subsequently and all experienced an exemplary loving family life. Decades later in his old age, widowed and disabled, the only child who took care of him was that first blessed daughter.

Blessed reprimand

As a partially incapacitated single father of five young children, I started a business which required me to buy a certain asset. At the time, I was aware that the person who sold it to me adjusted it temporarily to evade government tax. A few years later the asset was to undergo a governmental inspection. The former owner’s fraud would be my problem. I was liable to pay the tax of $20,000. There was no way I could have afforded even $2000 at that time.

The person who sold me the asset informed me that it was common practice in the industry to evade such a tax in the way he did. According to him, I only needed to pay a bribe of $300, through a middleman who had connections with certain officials. I was slightly relieved to have this way out of my predicament, but also a little perturbed. I was certainly no paragon of virtue but prided myself for never before giving nor receiving a bribe. I had been offered and rejected a substantial bribe in my youth. Although I wished I did not have to I felt compelled to make the decision to follow others in the industry and pay the middleman.

The day before I planned to bribe the middleman, I received the Holy Eucharist and was immediately and severely disturbed in the deepest part of my soul. God spoke to my understanding, not with words which require interpretation. Before receiving the Holy Eucharist, I knew academically that bribing someone involved inviting the person to sin, but after receiving my Lord in the sacrament, the extent of that horror became an ineffable spiritual understanding. It was more than an understanding, it was a conviction, a profound appreciation of the horror of the thing. Apparently, the worst thing anyone can do is to cause others to sin. The suddenness of this perspective, and the clarity of its implications are not indicative of my thought process. It did not evolve from my mind and then filter up into my soul. It was given to my soul and my mind had to process it.

I did go to my industry’s regulatory office the next day, not with the $300, but a resignation to let God’s will be done. Having no idea how extensive the corruption in the division was, I figured it was best to speak to the head of the entire governmental division. He most likely knew of the corruption, or he was even a part of it. The danger of losing my business and being left with no means to support my family was real, but the option of going against God seemed more impractical somehow.

His secretary ushered me into his office and closed the door. I took my seat and a deep breath and smiled as our eyes met. I expected that revealing my business’s fraud against his division would be awkward, but the words flowed surprisingly and unapologetically from my lips. And it was thorough, even to explaining in detail the option of bribery suggested to me. I ended with the words, “But I have never taken or given a bribe in my life and will not start now. If you tell me to pay the tax, I have no idea how I can come up with the money. What can you do for me?”

He stared at me in total silence and without any facial expression for over two minutes. It felt like five. In retrospect, I am now sure he was assessing his dilemma more than mine. If he was unaware of the corruption in his division, then my revelation would require a massive investigation. If he was part of the corruption, then I would be his problem. His resolution may have been revealing. Without checking my story or the mark on my asset, he signed a document which allowed me to change the registered mark. The cost to me was a processing fee of $20.

Providence

On Christmas Eve, 1966 a beggar approached our home asking for food or money. Mom looked at him with both pity and understanding; she too had nothing in the house to eat. At home there was only a dime which lay on the kitchen table. With resignation she handed it to him, along with greetings and blessings of the season. That evening, Dad who never won anything in his life came home struggling with a huge hamper he won in a raffle. Our family of thirteen had one of our most wonderful Christmas celebrations that year.

Leave me; I am a sinful man

Skeptics would argue that Peter’s remarkable catch (Luke 5:1-11) after following Jesus’ advice was not a miracle but at most, simply an improbable catch; something like winning a lottery. Yet, it was not a miracle to convince the average skeptic, just a miracle to convince one sinful fisherman.

About 15 years ago, for an urgent reason I needed to make a statistically improbable day's wage from my maxitaxi. (The common mode of transport in my country is the maxitaxi, or minibus.) There was no school that day; it was not the month end; no special occasion like Mother’s Day or Valentine, it was an extremely difficult day on the route, except for me. For 10 hours I had an overabundance of passengers while all others plying the road were scant. At about 2:30 pm. tears began to seep down my face as the blessings showed no sign of stopping. I thought about that passage of scripture, and I think I felt a bit like Peter. At 7 pm I had the required amount which was about 250% of an average day's making. Most may say that was no miracle, but I know it was.

Graduation ring

They came home with 1 meager bag of groceries, content to have food for a few days. But the sadness in Dad's heart was not on account of his shortcomings in supplying more food for his family, he felt the despair in his daughter's heart. Her graduation day was 2 weeks away and he could not afford even the silver signet ring. In the prestigious school she was attending she would surely be the only girl with bare fingers.

The paper bag was emptied in embarrassingly quick time, and it tumbled to the ground with an odd sound. He looked inside; there on the bottom was a silver ring. More than this, of the 102 schools in the country, it was of his daughter's. She stared in amazement and picked it up. It fitted perfectly. But Dad was not one to assume that he had any right to it and straightaway returned it to the grocery. "It must belong to somebody," he reasoned, "perhaps someone less fortunate than he." However, the store manager allowed him to keep it as no one ever claimed it.

Fruit out of season.

After Saturday's breakfast I routinely picked up Mr. Allen's lawnmower and headed to the church ground in Tunapuna. But one Friday I was extremely tired and awoke 2 hours later than usual the next day. Without thinking about breakfast, I collected the lawnmower and rushed to cut the grass outside the presbytery. The sun was blazing and before long I felt hungry. I did not pray for it but simply acknowledged my need mentally. Immediately after I noticed a mango, my favorite fruit lying at the base of its tree. Instinctively I looked up expecting more, but realized that the tree was in leaf. After the season, a mango tree typically produces a copious amount of new foliage, and shade was all this one now offered. I looked to the heavens and smiled; I imagined He smiled back at me. That one medium-sized fruit was perfect in every way. not too soft, not too hard, just the right amount of sweetness. Strange too was the fact that when I returned home at lunchtime my stomach was still quite full.

Grandma, the athlete

My Dad told me this story which his mother told him: At 2 years old he would not walk but pulled himself forward along the floor using his arms. At that time there were reports of a statue of the Blessed Virgin in Arouca parish church weeping continually, and grandma (better known as Queenie) took my dad there to appeal to the Virgin for his healing. However, she lost her sense of time and only realized it when the evening's last train sounded its arrival at the station half a mile away. She could not possibly catch it. Still, with child in arm she rushed out in the direction of the station and felt as if they were being carried over the distance supernaturally. She could not explain how they made it in time. And yes, Dad started to walk soon after that.

Observing genuine goodness

We stood chatting at the half-opened split door which led onto Edward Street. Wilma's eyes glanced and then fixed upon a dirty-looking vagrant lying on the sidewalk. He looked drunk. She curtailed our conversation, handed me the bottle of beer she was enjoying, and opened the bottom half of the door. Stooping next to the drunk she took a package of cigarettes from his front pocket, turned him on his belly and slid the cigarettes inside his back pocket. Then, after returning him to his former position she returned into the building, retrieved her beer and continued our conversation as if nothing happened. I stared at her with amazement and asked what that was all about. "Some other vagrant would see the cigarettes and take them from him" she explained in a tone that suggested the answer was obvious. Except that because my level of sensitivity to the plight of other people was so much lower than hers, it was not obvious to me.

The power of beauty.

The workmen whistled and passed inappropriate complimentary remarks at all the women who walked pass the worksite. But then, one of exceptional grace and beauty appeared in the distance. The men stopped their task and gazed at her. Probably about 18 years old, she seemed relaxed and in contemplation, oblivious to her surroundings and especially to the effect she was having on the workmen. They were in awe. For those 2 minutes until she sauntered beyond our sight there was silence, save for the cement truck whose contents we were testing. Then they looked at each other and sighed. From then on, my crew focused only on the slump tests and mold making they were tasked to do. Since that day on the bridge construction site in Couva I sometimes wonder if we appreciated the beauty of the love of God in Christ, or in our Immaculate Mother whether we could ever remain the same.

Being an unwitting sign.

Half of the staff was not part of the scheme which the boss controlled. Government equipment and labour were routinely used to perform private jobs. More than this, the names of those men who worked on such jobs were inserted on the timesheets of bona fide government projects. In effect, the boss did not even have to pay them himself for his private illegal enterprise.

There was a staff member who was not particularly of good moral character, but nevertheless would have nothing to do with the boss's scheme. He apparently was experiencing a spiritual awakening when he tendered his resignation. On his last day, when checking his crew's timesheets he noticed the names of 3 labourers who were not on projects assigned to him. He brought this discrepancy to the attention of his supervisor who promised to rectify the matter. That very evening, while both he and the boss were headed to their respective homes, the boss's car collided with an oncoming truck. He died instantly. The worker only became aware of this later that evening when one of the labourers phoned him. "You kill the man!" was the labourer's greeting. The former worker was saddened, confused and indignant, all at the same time. Why would anyone make any connection between him and the boss's demise? Or perhaps that labourer felt his boss's way of life was in some metaphysical fashion condemned by that of the one sinful worker who was seeking sanctity.

A very special priest

I remembered my mother telling me when I was perhaps about 7 or 8 that I was the first person Father David Oliveire baptized. I was a baby when he was recently ordained and served as an auxiliary priest in our parish. I never spoke to him, never personally met him after, and recall seeing him only at Mass in Belmont decades later. However, I heard that he was going to celebrate his golden anniversary as a priest and wanted to attend the special Mass he would have. I also wanted to visit him before the mass, so I drove up to the presbytery a week before. I called out his name as I saw no bell at the gate. An old face appeared through an open window and answered inquiringly. Apparently he could not see very well for the distance and thought I was someone else whose name he called but I cannot now remember. So I smiled mischievously and shouted, "I am the first person you ever baptized." A half second did not elapse before he cried out with excitement, "Lawrence?" I was stunned; Was this priest praying for me for 50 years, or did he just have an exceptional memory and intellect? I will never forget the 2 hours we spent together that evening; I have seldom met a priest with that obvious level of love for God and for his calling. Through him I felt especially loved by the Church and by God.

The mysterious dog

It seems that for His own divine purposes God’s uses agents such as angels or other human beings or even animals like Balaam’s donkey to assist and to save us from all types of trouble. A man in his thirties once was saved by a German Shepherd that refused to allow him to approach the train line. He was lost in thought and walking without due caution when the large dog stepped in front of him. He moved to the left, he moved to the right, but the animal kept blocking his forward movement until in his peripheral vision a train appeared some 60 meters away. Then he understood the reason for the animal’s behaviour. This happened 200 meters from his home. He swore that he had never seen the animal before or after and had no idea where it came from.

Be careful how you judge

Her step brother needed 4 pints of blood for an urgent surgery. She was asked to donate one. Her stepmother did not know that Michelle suffered from severe trypanophobia. In a panic she remained silent and still at first. A few minutes later when no one noticed, Michelle, battling internal conflicts left the room and into an adjacent garden. She cared very much for her step brother, but could love really conquer fear? She returned to the room 20 minutes later, resolved to give what would be her greatest sacrifice to her step brother, but by then, a family friend had arrived to give the fourth pint. It must have been an exceptional grace from God that drove Michelle to still offer a pint of her blood. The blood bank always needed blood anyway, she thought. Or maybe subconsciously she needed to confirm her victory over fear. However, the screening nurse rejected her as a doner; Michelle's weight was sightly under the acceptable level. The saddest part of this story of triumph though is that no one else appreciated her battle, her victory, her love. Years later she would be remembered as the sister who selfishly refused to assist her brother in his greatest need.

“Go ask your mother."

Like most men I have had my share of sensual temptations; like many, I have succumbed to more than a few. The last one I had was many years ago, but I will never forget it. It was so extreme I thought it was more diabolical than natural. The temptations started at midnight when I awoke from a nightmare, a phenomenon which is extremely rare for me. On this night I dreamt that 5 lions were about to tear me apart. As usual with temptations of any type, I started to call on the name of Jesus —a formula which invariably put an end to them. However, I experienced no relief at all. This went on for one hour as I fought using all my own willpower and whatever grace God provided. Then I was moved to cry out to The Blessed Virgin and started praying the “Hail Mary.” Immediately I experienced relief. The temptations seemed more natural, bearable. For the next three hours I recited her prayer until I fell asleep again. I awoke around 6:30 am from another dream involving a lion. It was in a huge saucepan. I was cooking it. A joy and an unusual peace filled my heart, and I began to laugh. Now I wonder whether the lack of any strong temptations which I formally thought were natural is natural or supernatural. Is it because I have always prayed the rosary every single day since then?

What my bride taught me

Although there are many great teachers and books that give excellent guidance in the spiritual life, the most valuable lessons we learn are probably from life itself. On a personal level, a good case on this point is an experience I had on my honeymoon in Saint Lucia, April 1986. Michele, my adventurous bride suggested we use the mode of transport of the locals to explore the island.

The day was thoroughly delightful and exciting. Unknown to us however, local transport stopped a little after 4 pm, and we found ourselves alone in the village of Soufriere after 5 pm. The houses were all shut, the air silent, and the road devoid of any moving thing. Just before sunset we saw a lone young girl walking toward the village. She seemed a little amused by our predicament, but after some thought suggested that we knock at some doors and offer $20 for lodging. “In the morning you could continue your journey,” she added.

This seemed perfectly acceptable to me. I thought that interacting with a local family, perhaps sharing a meal with them should be interesting. However, my beautiful bride was not interested and was strangely unperturbed. In fact, she was smiling. “Well, we could sleep on the beach,” I suggested. The evening was glorious, the sky was clear and the area, safe. Still smiling, my darling gently held my hand and led me to sit with her on a small concrete bridge. Then she took out her chaplet from her bag and suggested, “let’s pray.”

Within three minutes, a young American couple in a Jeep pulled up in touching distance of us. The bright looking young driver looked at us and asked, “Do you know the way to Castries?” Michele glanced at me and smiled. They seemed as relieved as I was when I answered, “Yes, that is where we are headed.” On the way, I asked the man which hotel they were staying at. When he said, “La Toc,” the relief probably showed on my face. It was the resort where we were staying. Michele just looked at me and grinned.

The gift of nothing

Minutes before Holy Mass started, a woman realized that she was sitting on a bench where some oily watery liquid was spilled. A friend who always accompanied her to church advised her to return home and change her skirt because the stain was obvious and looked exactly as if she defecated on herself. She would just miss the first ten minutes of the service. But secretly she thought her situation was a good opportunity. She had no money to put in the offering that day and saw an opportunity to offer any embarrassment as a secret gift to God. She imagined herself joining Jesus as he suffered humiliation when he hung naked on the cross and treated as a criminal.

However, she was so happy to have such an offering to make that her joy negated any embarrassment she expected to experience. So, once again she had nothing to offer. But that is not quite true. Even though she remained with nothing after offering her ego, that nothing, which is the death of her ego and the life of humility, was the gift most "precious in the eyes of the Lord," (Psalm 115:15). It took her a while to understand that nothingness is precisely what the Blessed Virgin offered God, and "God looked favorably on His handmaid in her nothingness."

The prayer of a child

I did not notice when my 2-year-old daughter came and stood behind me. With the kettle of boiling water fresh off the stove I turned and became immediately off balanced. About half cup of the hot water poured upon Kara's bare left shoulder before I realized what was happening. She screamed in agony. Her 4-year old brother rushed into the kitchen as I rushed out to take her into the shower. The trip took about 5 seconds. Kyle stood by the bathroom door, I could see the compassion in his eyes as he searched mine trying to understand what was going on with his sister. I only said, "pray for your sister," and immediately saw him make the sign of the cross, clasped his small hands and closed is eyes.

Often when I relate this episode people would say that it was my swift action which healed my daughter, but I am not so sure Kyle's sincere prayer was not the major part in it. Within 10 minutes the redness on her shoulder disappeared, and with that all was well again. At any rate, I will always treasure the memory, observing a pure heart in sincere prayer for one who he loves completely.

Praying a psalm without using words

An old monk once experienced an unusual episode of what he said seemed like a spiritual attack. He awoke one night in a state of unwarranted, inexplicable fear. There was nothing in his simple life that was a cause of concern, no human enemies, no financial troubles nor health problems. He tried to pray psalm 90 (Grail version) which he had known by heart for decades but inexplicably he could not remember any of the words.

However, he intimately knew the psalm in his heart; he knew the concepts of every verse, and without words he mentally recalled every one. Starting with appreciating that he was loved and protected by God, he offered his heart to God and felt safe. In his understanding he acknowledged that God was fighting any evil forces which was attacking him or would besiege him. In this way his spirit was led into the meaning of the entire prayer without his having to utter a word. Soon, all fear subsided and a soothing peace replaced it. After that, his ability to recall the actual words returned. The incident awoke in him a new understanding of prayer which he would forever cherish.

Can we handle the Truth?

Praying the last 4 of the 5 sorrowful mysteries of the rosary was difficult on a certain young monk's sensibilities. But Jesus’ agony in Gethsemane, which is the first of the 5 mysteries was another matter; he thought that he simply could not relate to it. He had experienced many physical and emotional traumas in his life and so, thought that he could relate to some extent with the physical sufferings of Christ. As for the first mystery, he felt that the Lord’s excessive agony in the garden was beyond human experience.

And so, one night this monk prayed to experience in some little way, the agony his Lord went through. He is not 100% sure that it was not his imagination, but what he immediately experienced next was quite intense and hardly comparable to anything he ever experienced before. It became clear to him that although Jesus shares our human nature, we do not share his divine nature nor even the purity of his human nature. It seemed that Christ's overwhelming agony was uniquely intense only because of his overwhelming divine love. Because of the purity of his heart Jesus felt every evil which raged against him. He could not distract himself from the reality of evil as other humans might have done.

It humbled the young monk even further as he felt that unless it was divinely revealed, he could not even appreciate anything except a veiled glimpse of any of the mysteries. Even the Lord's physical suffering was probably unique because of his unlimited divine love. The monk said that while he appreciated the memory of experiencing just a minute sample of the sorrow of his Lord, because of his spiritual weakness, he might never again ask to experience it.

Blessing or curse?

In 1989, Sister Briege McKenna Urged the crowd at WITCO sports grounds in Champs Fleurs to pray to the Holy Eucharist for whatever blessing they required. Anthony immediately prayed for a house for his family of three. 2 months later, his father-in-law offered them his own house at a price 10% of its value. Surely this was his prayer come true the couple thought.

However, his mother-in-law was horrified at the deal. She had divorced his wife's father decades before, and the house in question was the former home of his father-in-law and his new "wife." (The new "wife" then lived at another residence and he lived in the USA.) For many years, unwisely but regularly, the young man's father-in-law unofficially sent money to his second woman as alimony, with which she secretly built another house. She then sued him for alimony, swearing that she never received anything from him. Now, if he could give her $25,000. (which was approximately the father-in-law's offer), he could finally be free from her.

But the young man's mother-in-law was not concerned about her ex-husband's legal and financial dealings, she was concerned because she knew the other woman was a person who associated with people of the dark arts. She was horrified thinking that her daughter and family might be exposed to evils they were unaware of. For her part, the young man's wife did not share the concerns of her mother. She thought that no matter the cause, her father's offer was God's response to her husband's prayer to the Blessed Sacrament.

But her husband saw the situation differently. Although he did not believe in the power of any dark art, it was just out of love and respect for his mother-in-law that he refused his father-in-law's offer. Yet, he wondered whether by doing so he was rejecting God's blessing. Then, 2 months later he and his wife discovered that the company, "Home Construction Limited" was offering affordable houses without downpayment requirements. They applied and got the last one in a peaceful community-minded development, in a most convenient area. This made the man wonder whether if sometimes the devil, aware of someone's prayer, presents counterfeit "blessings" to him or her in order to circumvent God's real blessings and to lead them into a dark place.

The greatest treasure is intangible

On my last trip one evening I felt moved to present an unusual offer to the passengers of my maxitaxi. They were not to pay me anything but simply to think about the one person who they hated most, and to forgive them, or at least to try. The reaction of the 12 original passengers was absolute silence and attention, except for one young man who simply smirked. As individuals stopped off along the way and others entered, I gave the same offer. For that trip the minibus was as quiet as a church, and I thought perhaps that is what it became in a sense. And perhaps most of the 40+ passengers who entered the vehicle were not even religiously inclined, but unexpected situations tend to evoke thought. For my part, my reason for presenting this strange environment may have been as much to see how people react to it as to encourage others to consider the Christian ethic.

From the start of the trip there was one passenger who seemed particularly troubled, he was seated next to me and often shifted his body seemingly trying to find comfort. But the comfort he sought was not external, it was within himself. When he reached his destination  by Chin Chin corner, he looked appreciatingly at me and said in a low voice, "God knows why I had to travel in this maxi tonight." I do not know what he was struggling with; I knew it was not my place to know. However, his words made me feel that although I made a financial loss, that trip was the most valuable thing I did (or received) for a long time.