LOVE IN SENTIMENT AND ACTION

Neil stood beside the hero's bed. The fragrance of fresh flowers filled the hospital room overpowering the faint sanitized scent pervading the rest of the building. In the corner stood a trolley covered with cards of commendations. Oh, how Neil wished that expressing his emotions could be that simple that he could write them on a card.

When the hero turned and saw Neil he was expressly pleased and welcomed him with a hearty "Hi!"

Neil: How are you feeling?

Hero: I am ok. The doctors say I should be home in a week.

Neil: I never did thank you for saving my boys life. Thanks! I am really sorry I did not...I mean, why did you have to lose your leg? I am his father. I was right there; I wanted to save him, but I just stood there.

Hero: Things happen so fast. Who can blame anyone for what has happened? The important thing is that the boy is alright.

Neil: Will he ever trust me again? If I love my son, why did I not save him? Even though my desire to risk my life and save my son was great, I never made the decision to do it. You did

The hero lay back and stared at the ceiling as if suddenly plunged into a secret other world. After a few moments he turned once more towards his visitor. "For the brief time that I saw you two together I could tell how strong the bond is that you two share with each other. You will be there for his birthdays, sports meetings, graduations. He knows that you will be there when he needs you for the little things and the important events in his life. You will teach him how to drive. He will depend on you for all sorts of advice on life. Neither I nor anyone else has that relationship with him. I have no emotional attachment to your son. He knows your love, a love that lasts forever.... It is easy to be a hero for a day. You are his hero for the rest of your life.

Neil: Do you think that you will ever regret losing a leg to save him?

Hero: No, I do not think that will ever happen.

Neil: Then, never think of yourself as just a hero for a day! It is really your acceptance of personal injury which saved my boy, and if that acceptance is ongoing. you too will remain a hero... for the rest of your life I am sure. Your constant acceptance of your sacrifice is one constant act of love for my son. You do have a relationship with him, perhaps not on emotional one but a long-lasting loving one nevertheless. You taught me that love is so much more than just an emotional attachment.

What is the difference between a desire and a decision?

Is a desire an act of the will? Even though a person can wilfully hold on to a desire, are desires nothing more than a wish? Or do they indicate an attitude of the heart which, if not constrained by fear or other vices, can blossom into a greater reality?

Are decisions acts of the will? Can the terms "good" or "bad" only truly apply when one makes a decision to act on a desire?

Is love just a desire, a feeling, an emotion, or is it a deliberate acceptance to care for another? Is love a desire or is it a decision to put the loved one's need before oneself?

A husband and wife might have an argument and not feel loving towards each other at that time, but does that mean they have stopped loving each other? Because one does not feel emotional at a given time, does it mean that one has stopped loving?

How much deeper than emotion is love? Can you fathom it?

Is the father's care for his son in his everyday life acts of love?

What prevented the father from making the decision to save his son?

Is Neil's regret for not helping his son a constant act of love? Is there merit in being sorry for doing something wrong?

Would it be fair to say that the father does not love his son because he failed to save his son on this one occasion?

Dale was a single father of four. Tracey (18) was his oldest. Next was Patsy (16). Joyce was 4 and little baby Kesh, 2. At 8 months Kesh was diagnosed with a congenital heart condition which threatened his life. Dale was very worried and distressed. An operation to remedy the problem was both costly and risky. Dale had a very important choice to make.

He called a family meeting and told them that they all had to give a little for their little brother to have a chance of survival. Sacrifices would have to be made. Dale would have to sell his car, take a second mortgage on the house, and cut back on family vacations for a few years. The domestic helper would no longer be affordable and would have to go, which meant more chores for everyone. And of course, their diet would change a bit. No longer would they be able to afford the things they liked to eat but they all had to make do just on what they needed.

Tracey was most supportive of her father's decision. Perhaps because of her love for her little brother, the sacrifices she had to endure seemed easy. Nothing was too much for him. Patsy on the other hand was never in agreement about the lifestyle adjustments which were forced on her. She grudgingly endured them but never accepted them. In her innocence, Joyce was never even aware of any changes. She loved every member of her family, but she adored her daddy. Her general disposition was one of trust and openness to anything her father requested.

Can it be said that the sacrifice of the entire family saved the life of Kesh?

The sufferings of Dale and Tracey were direct acts of love for Kesh. Were the sufferings of Patsy a wasted opportunity to love? What did her attitude express?

By her general disposition to her father, is little Joyce supporting him in everything he does for the family?

How many times do we suffer without fully understanding why?

Is it ever wise to suffer grudgingly?

Can you decide what disposition you will have in any given situation? Is it in your power to accept or reject?

Does the decision you make regarding your disposition an act with moral consequences?

Is it a "one time" act or is it a continuous act which endures as long as your disposition remains?

Is there anyone to whom you continuously show love by your disposition?

If our general disposition to ‘God' is like that of little Joyce, are we in fact working with 'God' in every loving plan that God has?

Activity: Write and perform a short skit on "Dinner time at Dale's house."