SPITE

The last defender was just behind Troy and closing in as they raced toward the goal. Desperate to stop Troy from shooting, the defender, then at Troy's right, stretched out his hand across Troy's chest and pulled him back just enough to take control of the ball. In that instant a hundred thoughts passed through Troy's angry head. Should he dive and try to win a penalty? Should he pull his opponent back? Should he trip him? The hand was beginning to move off of his chest when he knew what he would do. Troy brought his own arm down to his side trapping his opponent's hand to his chest and in that moment slowed down and stretched his right leg just far enough to slide to the ground. Beside him Troy could see the defender writhing in pain from a dislocated shoulder and a sprained wrist. That day Troy scored no goals but was secretly satisfied to have taught that defender a lesson.

Why do you think Troy damaged the defender's arm?

Why was Troy angry?

Did the defender deserve to be treated that way?

Who gave Troy the authority to "teach" the defender a lesson?

At first when Marcia saw the water spraying wildly all over the table she was confused. Everything was getting soaked. All their projects, all that work would be lost if they remained where they were. She yelled for help and rushed frantically to save the projects. Again and again, she entered the spray, shielding each item with her body as she carried each to safety. When help eventually arrived Marcia had rescued almost all of the projects. Then to her horror, it suddenly dawned on her that her own, along with two others were still to be secured. But they were already ruined. She was not quick enough.

Her best friend Veronica came in and saw the mess. She noted that most of the students' work was saved but Marcia's was not. "Why did you not save yours first?" she asked Marcia. "I did not realise, I was not thinking," Marcia replied, still in dismay. "Wait a minute," Veronica exclaimed in disbelief, “You saved Heather's project before your own? If I were You, I would have made sure that that girl's work was the last. In fact, I would not have ever touched it. After all the things she says about you - how you are so full of pride and feel you are better than everybody else. She always has the worst things to say about you. Marcia paused for a moment, thinking, and then she replied to her friend, "If I were to do anything to get back at her, if my pride was hurt by her words, then she would be right. I would really have too much pride. The day I try to spite her I would be proving her right. "Sometimes I do not understand you," Veronica said, shaking her head in disbelief. "Why are you so angry with Heather?" Marcia asked. "Because she is a fool," Veronica retorted shortly. "Then why is the opinion of a fool so important to you? Why give her power over your peace of mind? I think that the smarter thing would be to ignore the fool and do not allow her to change who we ought to be. Do you not see that your anger serves you no useful purpose and that spite is a waste of energy?"

Why do we sometimes think of hurting others?

Does spite serve any useful purpose?

What are the consequences of spite?

Does spite hurt the one who holds spite?

Was it foolish of Marcia to save other projects before her own?

If Marcia had more time to think about what she was doing, do you think that she would have saved her project first?

There is a very old story about a young, virtuous man who tried his best to live in peace with all people. However, he had one fault; he got particularly angry whenever anyone spoke ill of him. For a long time he wrestled with this problem, but he could not overcome this thing which stole his peace. Finally, he went to an old sage to seek help. The old man instructed him to pay a certain sum of money to anyone who spoke ill of him. The young man thought that this was surely the oddest advice he ever got in his entire life but was so despondent that he decided to do exactly what he was told.

One year later he visited the old sage again and was told that he was cured and no longer needed to give money to his detractors. Feeling confused but happy at the old man's words, he set off again only to meet an old enemy of his who cursed him in the meanest way. The young man, instead of getting angry, laughed and laughed. "You stupid man," the other said, "I just cursed you and you stand there laughing?" The smiling young man replied, "For a whole year I had to pay for this kind of treatment, now I can get it for free!"

How did the changed perception of the young virtuous man free him?

How much does happiness depend on perception?

Is spite fueled by a lack of humility?

Is it right to help those who try to hurt us?

Do we have the right or authority to exact vengeance on those who hurt us or our loved ones?

Do we put ourselves in the power of others when we place too much value on their opinions of us?

Is it that the more we understand ourselves the less other people can hurt us?

Activity: It is much more difficult to change the way others treat us, than to change the way we react to the way others treat us. List a few instances where you got angry for the way you were treated. Next describe an attitude of self-assurance you could have adopted and ways you might have reacted to lessen the hurt.