WHO ARE YOU?

There is a popular story of the ugly duckling where the swan's egg got mixed with the duck's eggs. The young swan growing up among the ducklings never felt accepted by them. Eventually he came to the realisation of his true nature, and in it found his freedom and happiness.

Speak of morality and most people imagine a rigid set of rules and begin to feel confined as if in a box or jail. Most expect a list of «You must not" laws, indicating things which are immoral; things which are not to be done. But defining anything in negative terms, stating what a thing is not, is hardly instructive. For the young swan morality is not a legalistic thing. It is fulfilling its purpose. It is simply doing what it was made to do. It is in being who he was meant to be. In this alone he finds his dignity.

Morality is something positive and liberating not negative. It is a right way of seeing, a right way of being, and a way to live in freedom of spirit in harmony with nature and in deep joy. Morality is not the negative, immorality is. Immorality is not seeing who we really are. It is not seeing who others are in themselves. It is a type of disharmony caused by spiritual blindness. It is neither appreciating the honour of others nor oneself.

Would it be tragic if the swan felt accepted in the duck's environment and never discovered the truth about his own self? Would it be tragic if the swan accepted a self-image based on how the duck's society defined him?

Would it be tragic if the swans' community saw the young swan as a duck (or a creature different from them) and rejected it?

Two foreign students were admitted into a school a month after the school term began. Both were migrants and eager to settle and be accepted in their new environment. The attitude of many of their new classmates, however, was most baffling to them. In their former countries trivial things like a person's body size or the colour of their skin was never a social issue, but here they seemed to be such significant factors. Many classmates refused to associate with the two new students because of one's body size and the other's skin colour.

Because it was never an issue before coming to this school the two new students were not particularly concerned about their size or colour. Things like these were not part of their self-image, but slowly now one began to see himself as fat while the other became acutely colour conscious. These became significant factors, not because they were significant in themselves. They did not become significant because the new students independently discovered them to be significant. They became significant parts of their self-images only because it seemed significant to the society in which they lived. To a large extent therefore, each student's self-image was generated by others from outside, and adopted by the student.

What self-image do you have? Do you know what factors helped to form it?

To what extent do you think colour consciousness within one's self-image is a reaction to the way one is treated because of one's colour?

Do people put exaggerated importance to things like one's skin colour, weight, or height?

Can the importance people put on their skin colour be due to the bigotry of other people?

By accepting other people's definitions of ourselves by factors such as colour or class, are we agreeing with them?

A long time ago there was a hypnotist who conducted a television show, and for the entertainment of his audience hypnotised a few patrons. He suggested to one that she was a dog. He told another that she was a chicken, and so on. To the amusement of the audience, each hypnotized patron began acting like the animal suggested by the host. The show sparked controversy among medical practitioners, particularly psychologists who thought it was unethical and an abuse of the profession, but it left one very pertinent question. To what extent are our actions based on who we think we are? To what extent are one's actions driven by one's sense of identity?

How would one's behaviour be affected by seeing oneself as being:

1. richly blessed?

2. a failure?

3. cheated by society?

If a person thinks that his own happiness is the most important thing in life, how will that affect his actions?

Where do people get their sense of identity?

In what way do parents affect a child's understanding of his or her identity?

To what extent do children get their sense of identity from the culture of the wider society, their peers, and their teachers?

Do children tend to copy the actions and attitudes of their parents?

Are there certain actions which you cannot see yourself ever doing because they go against the very fibre of your being (as you know yourself to be)?

To what extent do you think a negative sense of identity is responsible for crime in our world?

To what extent do you think that people get their sense of identity from how they are treated?

To what extent do you think that people get their sense of identity from seeing the way others are treated by their parents, teachers, and those in authority?

To what extent do people identify with a television star, or some other popular figure?

Can we change the way we see ourselves?

If someone has a low self-esteem, how would this affect that person's actions?

Sometimes a child or even an adult might live in a home or community where he or she is called by uncomplimentary names. How difficult is it for someone to reject the names and labels others might try to force on him or her?

How can we help others to build a positive self-image?

How does physical and verbal abuse affect one's sense of identity?

Are there ways we abuse (dishonour) others?

Are there ways others abuse (dishonour) us?

Are there ways we abuse (dishonour) ourselves?

Too often children grow up in an environment where there are people who constantly tell them that they are worthless or bad in some way or another. Or someone may be treated with dishonour and abuse in childhood. These children then grow up believing the lies they were told about themselves and live according to who they think they are. They are blind to their own honour. A physically blind man's disability is obvious to anybody. Other physical defects which disable people might be easily seen. But is it not different for emotional injuries? Actually, often the person carrying an emotional disability does not even know it. Sometimes there may be disabilities which stem from one traumatic experience.

Andy almost never goes into the water again although he loves the beach. Since his father drowned right in front of him four years ago, he has never gone swimming. Before that incident swimming was his favourite pastime. Now that painful memory overpowers everything when he is in the water. Andy now has a disability. He cannot now enjoy what was once an important thing in his life.

Do painful memories hinder people from enjoying life?

Can they severely debilitate people?

Do you know anyone who is disabled by a painful memory?

Judy used to be an avid reader. In primary school she was loved by all the teachers. There was this drive in her to excel in whatever she was given to do. As expected, she passed her exam and was accepted in her school of choice. There, however, she was surrounded by other students, most of whom were more competitive in academic studies than she was. Apart from this her teachers used threats of detention and other forms of punishment to get the students to perform at higher standards. Before she knew it, Judy's motivation to excel was no longer a love for learning but a fear of being punished, mixed into a need to better her fellow students. The joy of education stealthily changed to constant low-grade stress. In her mind learning got disconnected from joy.

What motivates you to learn?

Do you think that education should be stressful?

Which would be a better motivator: love or fear?

If you became a parent, would you prefer your children to obey you out of love or out of fear of being punished?

Every experience we go through has an effect on our lives, some are positive, some negative, and most are often a mixture of both. It may be very personal and unwise to share it with just anybody, but nevertheless it might be important to ask oneself certain questions.

What if any are my emotional injuries?

To what extent do they hinder me?

To what extent do they hurt others?

Can they be healed?

Where can I seek help to overcome them?

How we see things, how we view life, is affected by past experiences. What do you think might be the emotional injuries of a man or woman who was physically abused as a child? How do you think a child abused by a father would see other men, especially men who hold positions of authority? How would that child relate to other people?

How much patience should we have when dealing with people with emotional disabilities?

With the fact that no one knows the deepest fears of any other person, should we always be patient with others?

Do experiences have to be traumatic to have a very serious effect on our view of life and our relationships with others?

What effect would sexual activities of people outside marriage have on their emotional relationships or bonds later in marriage? In their minds are they likely to connect sex with a love-and-marriage relationship or will there likely be a disconnection of their sexuality from love or marriage? Will they more likely be unfaithful in marriage than other people?

Given the trauma of divorce on parents and children, how damaging is sexual activity outside of marriage?

In what other ways do we give ourselves emotional injuries?

Activity: Using colours and shapes (organic and/or geometric), create a design to represent yourself. Use the same method to create a representation of your home and another of the world. Describe how the three designs relate to each other.